Yesterday

Yesterday was a rough day. I would be lying if I said it wasn't. Just when I start feeling comfortable or that I'm finally healing I usually get slapped back into reality. I have realized that I will never know or understand how I am going to feel about certain things until they are here and I'm forced to deal with them. I also know that I can no longer live in fear for these instances. I know they are coming but I do my best to avoid them at all costs, but while I am trying to save myself I instead just set myself up for more heart ache. I am learning more about myself now then I ever have. I had no idea I had these limits. When I feel all is lost and that I cannot go on I somehow look at myself and think you are still here, how? I have no uplifting words today or insight in anything. Today I am just me in this moment. Sad, lost, mind racing. Tomorrow might be another story but today I just am.