Back in July 2014 Zach and I found out we were expecting. He thought he knew that I was pregnant but I wasn't sure. When the stick flashed "pregnant" I instantly felt a rush of emotion and without hesitation started to cry. I was going to be a mommy. That night I lay there thinking that in 9 short months I would be bringing a baby home. I never knew though that it would be in a way I least expected. Today our baby girl came home to us. Having her close is comforting and I can feel her little spirit in our home. My heart aches that I will not hear her little screams in the middle of the night, or the pitter patter of her feet when she gets older. If someone would have taken me aside 8 months earlier and told me what the outcome would have been I wouldn't have changed a thing. I am so glad I was able to experience her little kicks, her hiccups and being able to listen to that strong heart beat of hers at every doctor visit. More then anything I'm glad I was able to see her little face and hold her closely to my heart to feel her little soul. That beautiful soul, although not ready to be here on earth, made me a mommy. In that short time she was here she made me understand what true love was. She now sits in a beautiful urn that I can look at whenever I want but I feel her close to me and I see her everywhere. I see her in the flowers on my table, the sun when it rises in the morning, and more then anything in her daddy when he sleeps beside me. My little angel is home now but the truth is she never left, she has always been here.
Friday, February 20, 2015
Thursday, February 19, 2015
The past week has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. I have cried so much that at times I felt the tears would never stop and that I would forever feel the warmth of them drip down my cheeks. Life had caught us by surprise and had completely changed our course. Amidst all the heartache, the tears, fear and sadness there was one man, my man, that kept me sane and was my rock through it all. My husband. Most women brag about theirs because they provide for their families and they are great fathers etc. I was able to see mine in a way most women don't get to. His vulnerability, his pain and his strength during one of the most tragic times of our lives. He has been truly amazing. I look at him and I see, not only the man I fell in love with, but a bigger version of that man. I look at him with the most admiration and the most respect. I have always been in love with him but our relationship has been heightened and has been taken to a whole other level. I feel EXTREMELY fortunate to be married to a man that is so selfless, loving, caring, protecting, strong, vulnerable and to put it simply...amazing. My husband not only provides, is an outstanding father, loves me unconditionally but can stand tall along side me in the face of tragedy. I am beyond proud to call him mine. My real life knight in shining armor.