Year One

The first year of any marriage is hard. It's been known to be the "hardest" as a lot of married couples like to say. You experience the mixed emotions of living with someone and having to deal with their strange habits. For instance when they leave their wet towel on the floor or they don't clean up after themselves. And then there is the money thing. A whole other component to trying to work together and still make each other happy. Yesterday was our one year anniversary. One small year has somehow felt like 5 very long ones. Yes we've experienced the things above and yes they were hard but as I look back I laugh at them because I know now how so unimportant most of it was. We have been through a rough year. Our first deployment and then a death of our sweet baby girl. When most couples in their first year are struggling to figure out how to tell the other that when they leave their shoes in the middle of the floor it bothers them, we were trying to figure out how to cope being away from each other separated by thousands and thousands of miles. When others were angry because the trash hadn't been taken out on trash day we were crying in each others arms from a loss so devastating we will hurt from it for the rest of our lives. Because of all that we went through we were forced to communicate to look at ourselves and to figure out who we were. Not just as individuals but also in our marriage. So many couples crumble under the smallest of trials because the truth is marriage is hard. I will never say that I'm happy about what we had to go through but I am happy that we were forced to be tested that our relationship was put under trial. We went through some of the hardest things that a marriage can go through and we did it in the first year, the hardest year. I smile now because we are still standing, not just standing, but standing strong and tall. Anything since is a breeze and if something harder comes along I can look at my hand where my husband holds it and know he nor I are going anywhere. I love you Zach you are truly my rock and my soulmate <3

My Imperfectly Perfect Life

Today I actually made the decision to start writing posts on this blog that I created almost a year ago. Why did it take me so long? Some things I have a tendency to be a perfectionist at and if things aren't completely lined up in my head, or I don't feel like I have the perfect post, then I just decide not to do it. Today is different though. I am learning that it's ok to not be perfect. To not have every little thing planned out for things to work out. You would have thought I would have caught on to this thinking months ago. The last year of my life has been nothing but surprises. My husband and I eloped last April and that was by far the most unorganized thing I've ever done. My sister Vanessa and I packed my car and took the 3 day drive clear across the country with my belongings shoved into the back (and some tied on the roof!!) After arriving in town we spent a day in a hotel and then moved into our place the next day. My husband was living in the barracks as a single soldier so he had no furniture and I had sold all of mine to get out there. A quick trip to Walmart bought us a few air mattresses and some necessities. That Saturday we drove to a park in an unfamiliar city and met a very nice man and his wife, that Vanessa had lined up, to marry us. April in New York is still very cold and we all shook like leaves from the cool air. Right before sunset, in a dress I bought for $200, we were married. Our ceremony was quick, I had no flowers, and the only witnesses were my sister Vanessa and my husbands best friend. Our photographer was a mix of the two and my personal camera. I look back on the day and think of how imperfectly perfect it was. I wouldn't have had it any other way. At that moment, admit the craziness, I was married to the man of my dreams, who at that point I had searched for for 32 years. I didn't care I didn't have a big wedding, I wasn't sad there wasn't any cake and my hands didn't feel empty without a bouquet to hold. Instead, holding my new husbands hands and looking into his eyes, realizing we were starting this amazing journey together was enough. I woke up this morning, 9 months later, and watched him sleep for a moment. We have already been through one deployment, almost made it all the way through a pregnancy, survived a few chaotic moves and here we are still standing. Life isn't perfect, but I don't want perfect I just want my crazy unpredictable life.